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A Valentine’s Day Story: Her Ex’s Behavior Led to Her Dating Other Men

Because Nadette has just broken up with her ex I want her to explore the world of men. First, she needs to learn that there are options out there. Second, I want her ex to know that his behavior has led to Nadette’s dating others. In my new book, Sealing The Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love, I call this “experiencing the cost of loss.”

 

Healthy partners do not stay together simply out of fear or need. They have the emotional strength and self-confidence to leave each other, which creates mutual respect. These traits serve as reminders that loss could really occur, and that frightening possibility tends to keep the partners on their toes. Both know that they cannot get away with repeated disrespectful, thoughtless, meanness, or cold treatment of the other. In short, they do not take each other for granted.

 

While research has focused on how married couples view and use the costs of loss to promote better conduct and stability, the same may also hold true for longer-term unmarrieds. Being able to look ahead and assess the harsh realities a breakup would bring can help a couple to work through issues that inevitably erupt. Considering the cost of loss also helps them appreciate what they have in each other. I have seen this dynamic work beautifully in couples who have been together for a year or more who are not married. A cost-of-loss stand that shows your Beloved what life will be like without you can be the most powerful step to take when your relationship is draining, painful, and unfulfilling. This stand can propel your boyfriend forward and help him break through his commitment fears.

 

So enjoy Episode 5 and watch how Nadette’s going out with other guys transforms her and her ex! And don’t miss the exciting finale of Yourtango.com’s 31-Day Love Life Makeover on Wednesday, February 16th.

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4:29

 

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed new book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling author of “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Dating and Relationship Advice Newsletter.

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