In Part II of this five-part series, we’ll look at whether marriage is toxic to women’s mental health. Specifically, we’ll look closely at depression because it affects about 20 million adults in the U.S. alone and is therefore one of its most common diseases. The bad news here is that women are twice as likely as men to suffer from depression. Depression has been widely studied and has been found to correlate very highly with other markers of mental health.
Research done in the 1970s claimed that married women were more depressed than single women or married men. Is this still true today? The short answer is, no. In 2007, using data from the largest national studies ever done[i] researchers found that marriage reduces the blues in both men and women.
Here’s the skinny:
What about the argument that marriage is better for men than it is for women? Before we get to that I want you to take advantage of my FREE ongoing support. You can learn EXACTLY how to find and attract the one, how to tell the DUDs from the STUDs, how to go from casual to a real commitment, how to keep the passion going and much much more by subscribing to my Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter, absolutely FREE! Click Here to get started now.
We know that married men are far better off than single men. Granted, men may benefit from marriage even more than women, but those differences can be accounted for by the nature of male single life: the bachelor tends to have more unhealthy habits and is less likely to have emotional social support than the bachelorette. So when he marries, he steps up to a much healthier lifestyle.
Single women on the other hand, are not significantly different in their lifestyles than their married counterparts. So where do married women suffer relative to singles? In two areas: when they are in bad marriages or when they have kids. It’s as simple as that. Women in bad marriages report having trouble sleeping, not feeling OK and being more stressed than gals who say they are in a satisfying marriage. This is true even when studies controlled for being depressed or having kids. In other words a good marriage may contribute a lot more to a woman’s well-being than we previously thought. More on this in Part 5.
As to having kids, women with young kids have more stress than women without kids. Duh! Oh, and they feel they have no time for themselves, for self-caretaking, so they report more stress. Duh, duh!
If you’re looking to have kids, be prepared for a more stressful life and more of the responsibility. If you are married and one of those lucky few who have a house husband, you’ll have more responsibility outside the home and have the privilege of feeling guilty about being a “bad mom.” There’s no winning here ladies—stress comes along with young kids and teenagers. Of course, if you’re a single mother with kids, countless studies have shown that your stress level is much higher than marrieds with kids or singles with no kids.
Nonetheless, here’s the bottom line: Contrary to myth, a stable marriage tends to be emotionally uplifting for women. It reduces depression and improves overall mental health. Does it help men even more? Yeah, but what woman didn’t know that?
[i] See R. G. Wood, B. Goesling & S. Avellar (2007) The Effects of Marriage on Health: A Synthesis of Recent Research Evidence. This is a meta-analysis of 70 studies. Available at http://www.mathematica-mpr.com/publications/PDFs/marriagehealth.pdf
[ii] For a list of references contact the author.
Dating Advice Newsletter
Coaching & Love Mentoring
The Widely Aclaimed Followup to the Bestseller
“Love in 90 Days”
14 top self-help and relationship experts, from bestselling author, john gray, to eminent physician, dr. christiane northrup, are raving about SEALING THE DEAL!
Bestselling Book: Love in 90 Days
Dr. Diana Kirschner Featured On